I was at an '80s-theme party last night and a group of girlfriends gathered around the living room and we started chatting about the euphemisms we used for our vaginas. Ages for this group—wearing leotards, blue eye-shadow, teased hair and florescent headbands— ranged from late 30s to mid-40s, and (not surprisingly) "beaver" came up as the top reference for most of us—also very patriotically Canadian 🇨🇦
A few others that popped up:
huha
bearded clam (this got some solid laughs)
foof (mostly in the UK)
vag
front bum
bits
You get the point.
A few mentioned how the absence of a childhood reference for them spoke volumes. It just wasn't talked about growing up.
It got me thinking about the lengths we take to avoid saying the word vagina and how our societal norms and stigmas impact how we go through life as women.
The next morning, I decided to ask ChatGPT and got this summary along with some great points.
...the words "vagina" and "penis" are often treated differently due to cultural norms, gender expectations, and historical associations with modesty and sexuality. These differences can shape the way people talk about and view the human body.
So I continued and asked, why we should care?
Guess what? It brought up things that almost every women I know has dealt with:
- Impact to self-esteem
- Shame and discomfort talking about our health
- Feeling inadequate
- Difficulty seeking support
- Not feeling included
👉 This is not a coincidence 👈
The first step is awareness. The second step, we push back.
...we should care about these perceptions because language plays a significant role in shaping how we view ourselves and others. It impacts how we address important issues in our society, from personal health to broader discussions about gender and equality. Reducing the stigma around certain words can foster a more open, informed, and inclusive environment for everyone.
So friends . . . just using the word "vagina" in our homes is part of the resistance.
📣 📣 📣 VAGINA 📣 📣 📣
Is it menopause or is it the patriarchy?
I've been reading Good and Mad by Rebecca Traister and it's like salve for the soul these days. It validates the rage that has been brewing and that I've been managing through my runs and new weight-training routine.
It's the best motivation.
Before reading Good and Mad, I feared I was overreacting. That maybe my Latin roots were rising to the surface in my perimenopausal era making me burn hot (literally and figuratively) at the injustice, double standards, and inequity that we are witnessing and living through.
But then I read this:
Perhaps the reason that women's anger is so broadly denigrated—treated as so ugly, so alienating, and so irrational—is because we have known all along that with it came the explosive power to upturn the very systems that have sought to contain it. What becomes clear, when we look to the past with an eye to the future, is that the discouragement of women's anger—via silencing, erasure, and repression—stems from the correct understanding of those in power that in the fury of women lies the power to change the world.
I felt validated.
We can rage and we can also have joy.
We can want change and we can also love the men in our lives.
We can drive impact and we can also take the time to rest.
These feel like such opposing opposites but that's how the system conditions us to feel. Telling us it's an "either / or" when we can actually build it as an ever powerful "and."
We're strong and we can be vulnerable.
We're angry at the injustice and we can love the communities we're in.
We're exhausted with it all and we can build what we feel is missing.
Who knew conversations about vaginas at an '80s-themed party while wearing leotards and headbands could ignite profound insight?
Things I Love (and learned about)
- Last week I went to The Forum Semi-Finals pitch event in Vancouver—an event I pitched at just last year. It was so great to learn about all of the incredible businesses and the women behind them. I highly encourage you to take a look and get involved if you feel the call.
- Since eating enough protein everyday is now basically my second job, I'm obsessed with Farm Girl cereal. The Cinnamon Toast Crunch version is AMAZING and also low-carb, and sugar- and gluten-free! It's available at Fairways in Victoria but also well.ca online.
- Many of you are new to makeher—thanks for joining! If you missed some of the earlier newsletters, they are available here. It's also a great link for sharing with friends you feel might benefit from this once-a-month newsletter for women 35+.
- Our friends are writing an amazing book about pillow talk and want your story submissions. If you've got one—especially if it's taboo—they want to hear it.
In solidarity 🖤
makeher is a labour of love because I believe that women deserve to feel good, build wealth and wellness, and create a life that inspires them. We do this by sharing our stories and challenging the status quo. I'm here for that.
What to expect? I'm the co-founder and CEO of joni, board member at FemTech Canada and mother of two teenage daughters. I send out just one email on the first day of each month about things I've learned, loved and tried through the lens of a 45 year old perimenopausal woman in a world built for men by men. Read prior months here.
If you don't feel this newsletter is for you, that's ok. Just know that I'll miss you.
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